I have been disappointed in the last few Doctor Who series and finally, faced with the anxiety-ridden, seemingly autistic, Doctor of the 8th series, tuned out, wondering what had happened to Doctor Who in the last few years.
It was however, while watching the latest Bond film, Spectre, that I realised what had happened. I wondered why I had not realised it in Skyfall. We have, in short, all been duped. Bond is the new Time Lord.
Like Doctor Who, James Bond, 007: Licensed to Kill, is blessed with the inability to be killed but rather like a snake, shuffles off his skin to be transformed anew. Like Doctor Who the problems and complexities faced by the vulnerable citizen of the Western World need to be solved by Bond so we can continue living as we do. (I’m not sure whether this extends to those of non-European stock. Africans, Indians, Chinese, Japanese, Arabs and Turks will have to find another saviour). The evil that our intrepid heroes fight are rarely vanquished so that phoenix-like, they can rise and menace us again.
In Spectre Bond had to make a choice. I believe this choice was the point of potential transmogrification. Despite Dr. Madeleine Swann having a good eye and steady hand, she hates guns and the short-cut solution they offer. In his swan song in his current form, James takes Madeleine’s hand and throws his gun into the Thames and walks away from M, Q, Moneypenny and the handcuffed Oberhauser. He is transformed by love. We will need a new Bond because Oberhauser, Bond’s nemesis and step-brother, lives on (as if prison is going to hold this Houdini!) and will continue to be troublesome.
There is nothing nervous or unconfident in Bond, who is decisive and knows exactly what to do. His mind is incisive: he knows the precedents and antecedents of the situation within seconds and, while his problem solving is crude, it is usually arrived at with a clean shot or an enormous explosion from which any human would be unable to escape.
Doctor Who, in contrast, at
least in recent episodes, is anxious, disorganised and frequently muddled about not only the solution but also the problem. Although I, like Dr Swann, don’t like guns, if my life was threatened I wouldn’t want to have to deal with a neurotic saviour. Bond has his psychological problems, the origins of which are remarkably similar to Doctor Who – they both lost their parents in catastrophic events. Bond’s post-trauma psychological solution is emotional distance or complete lack of emotion rather than the confused, initial panicked response and disorganisation of Doctor Who.
I believe that Doctor Who has morphed into two Time Lords in recent years, possibly at the beginning of series 6 or 7 or whenever the previous transformations occurred. Bond is however, the true Time Lord originating in Galafrey. The blundering Doctor Who we now see is his alter ego.
I am confident I am right for if I wasn’t how on earth did Bond jump, slide and fall to escape from the exploding building to end up just a few minutes later in a light aeroplane to pursue the escapees from the now demolished building? (Having spent much of my childhood around light aircraft, I know – MI5 notwithstanding – that they are not up and flying within a few minutes, even if you are already at the aerodrome – which Bond clearly wasn’t and the airport of Mexico City is some distance from the centre so traffic has to be negotiated; there are air traffic control, safety checks and clearance, all of which are not sorted and completed within seconds).
It is also clear to me that Oberhauser and his cohorts are aliens because I defy anyone to have escaped the bomb blast in Mexico City, particularly as it appears to have taken place on the floor if not the room in which he was making a toast to his success at whatever he had been successful at (escaping or killing Bond?). Further proof of this was Oberhauser’s arrival in Britain to finally confront Bond having survived the complete destruction of his spy satellite network station (even more scary than NSA) somewhere in the Algerian desert with only the loss of one eye and a nasty gash down the side of his face. No burn marks and bones clearly intact!
A few days previously he had tortured Bond by drilling not once but twice through his skull from one side to the other. I would have expected some loss of memory (Oberhauser humorously predicted that Bond would lose memory of all the women he has loved – I think he knew that Bond had no clear memory of them in the first place), speech or movement. Bond escapes intact, brain unharmed. Even Oberhauser is bewildered. This event made me wonder where the people of Galafrey store their brains – clearly not in the skull which seems to be just another hammer-like weapon.
If I am wrong and Doctor Who did not split during one of his transformations into two personas, Bond and Doctor Who, then who is Doctor Who?